Nike, Barbie and the Trek to Temecula

It’s been a topsy-turvy week in Tinseltown.  I’ll start with the good news:

Swoosh! Emma was cast in a Nike spec commercial. Neil Payne, the director, met with us again a few days ago and explained the concept:  Emma is a soccer player and will be pitted against a band of big burly brutes on a soccer field at night. She weaves through the angry mob with the ball, knocking all of them out of the way with her super fancy soccer moves. She gets to the goal where she faces-off with the goalie–another little girl.  They exchange some competitive words and the camera zooms in on her power kick.

Then the screen goes black and the Nike symbol swooshes into view.

The spot will be a tribute to the women’s soccer World Cup in June. Neil says it’s all about “Girl Power.” Very cool! I can’t wait to see how it turns out and share it with everyone. Here is his reel. Neil won the Best Director award for the music video “Arcadia” by Think Tank in the First Glance film festival in Hollywood and it won the best music video award at the Indie Short Film competition in March. It also received the Silver Ace award for music videos at the Las Vegas Film Festival.

So just prior to that meeting, I received an email from a casting company interested in seeing Emma audition for a “hot” music video for tweens. The audition was in Temecula, which is 85 miles from here, so I promptly passed.  They emailed me again asking if I could bring her on another day because they still wanted to see her.  Emma really wanted to try for the part, so I reconsidered. She put together a dance routine to the Black Eyed Peas and practiced a little ditty in the living room to perform for them. I had to take her out of school an hour early to make the call time. We drove, and drove, and drove, and drove and FINALLY arrived, only 5 minutes late.

NO ONE WAS THERE.

I triple checked the date, time and location, since, as we all know, I’m not known for my scheduling proficiency. And yes, we were in fact there when and where we were supposed to be. I was livid. We got back in the car and drove like a bat out of hell back to LA to make it on time for Emma’s ballet class (which we did) and I got home and collapsed on the couch. Errrrgh. I let loose our talent manager on them and I hope she showed no mercy.

I mean I know this business isn’t known for its scruples or anything, but C’mon!  Common decency should be universal, especially when it comes to asking people to drive 80+ miles on LA freeways IN RUSH HOUR. Bastards.

But the week did in fact end on a high note.  Emma snared an audition for a Mattel Barbie commercial.  Don’t tell anyone, but she never liked playing with Barbies. She had about 3,007 of them in all denominations that ended up with gum-matted hair and mismatched heels. The audition query asked for: ”Pretty, expressive, fun, contemporary girls. GOOD TEETH ONLY. No braces. Girls may have a line or two of dialogue. Should be super enthusiastic.” Well, that’s Emma.  Kind of in a nutshell.

And also, as far as we know, the roles for Bridesmaids, Lincoln Lawyer and the tennis flick SMASH still have not been cast. There’s a lot we’re waiting on. So if anyone hears anything, I’ll be filling up my gas tank. And after the week we’ve had, I think I may launch this new Barbie line I’m calling “Haggard Mom.”

Coming soon: Haggard Mom Barbie.

Playing the CD Game

I’m coming to understand fully the meaning of the term “Casting Couch.” These casting directors (CDs) have power. More than we’d realized. These days, I’m not too sure how much hoochie koochie will get an aspiring actor, but we are learning that it’s a very good thing to attend their “audition” classes (for a fee of course), and waltz on up the ladder– or even catapult–ahead of others in the audition process.

Emma and other little girls hold court at the "Lincoln Lawyer" auditions.

Take Emma’s latest audition.  She tried out for a supporting role in “The Lincoln Lawyer,” a new movie starring Marisa Tomei and Matthew McConaughey. In the waiting area, Emma befriended another tyke who had recently started in the business yet had been on iCarly, Criminal Minds, a McDonald’s commercial, and a series of guest spots on top-ranked shows. Oh, and guess what?  She’s the niece of a casting director. Now I am not saying she isn’t talented and pretty and all that.  But for Cripes sake, so are thousands of other girls submitting for the same parts.

Perhaps I’m being a tad glib about the whole thing.  A colleague of mine whose husband is an actor says it’s really about building relationships with the CDs.  Brand yourself with them so they know your work and you become part of their arsenal.  She told me that he started attending these audition workshops, got to know a half-dozen or so casting folks and immediately began booking jobs.

So yeah, that’s part of our strategy now.  Get in good with the top CDs in the business and become the teacher’s pet.

I wish I had the forethought to bring the CD on this film an apple or something. I will be a bit bummed if Emma doesn’t get this role ’cause I was so hoping to get an up-close view of Matthew’s abs.

Calling in Some Reinforcement

Well, Emma landed her first job. And we’re passing. It’s for a Web-based reality show and honestly I just don’t want her involved in all that unscripted drama. And um, particularly since it’s unpaid. I mean it actually looks OK:  It’s a show about a behind-the-scenes kids crew producing a kids’ reality show. Emma’s agents advised us to pass, and considering the fiasco of an audition we endured (see “Moo” post) I will follow their lead on this one.

To help us navigate these murky Hollywood waters, we hired a talent manager yesterday.  Her name is Robin Loehr and she’s had a lot of success with her clients, including her son.  A real firecracker that one. She calls the casting directors after the audition to get feedback, among many other things. I’m going to pass the baton over to her and she can deal with all these crazy submissions now.

One other update.  As I mentioned, Emma went on an audition for the movie SMASH.  The audition space called CAZT sent us a tape of her audition.  A really smart business model they’ve created where all the auditions are taped, they email a link to the actors, and for a fee, you can watch how you did!  Then they ask the casting directors for comments.  Emma received high marks. He said she was really poised and did a good job. No callback  yet, but it seems like a great fit for her.

Also, alas, no word on Bridesmaids… Tick tok.

Wiigging Out: Part Deux

Yeah, uh, so Emma read for Judd yesterday.  Freakin’ Judd Apatow!   Remember the role to which I’m referring? The one with racy dialogue? For Apatow’s next film? Starring Kristen Wiig? (For more info., please see my April 2 post: “Wiigging Out”)

So I kinda feel that I can now refer to him on a first name basis since my nine-year-old daughter said the word “sex” in his presence.

They called Emma back for the role of Wiig’s younger self  in his still-untitled upcoming film (the trades are calling it Bridesmaids). Yes, THE ONE I practically herniated over the first time around and then managed to show up on the wrong day for.

We had assumed that this was soooo not happening.  I mean the first audition was more than a month ago, and God knows, I didn’t think we made the best first impression. And by “we,” I mean “I.” I’m the one who messed up  the dates and arrived at the audition door all FERMISHT. Emma was fine.

I had come home from work, kind of feeling beaten down by this whole audition process, and saw the email from Emma’s agent. I almost tripped over the dog food bin racing to the phone to call my husband.

I then proceeded to Google every single picture of Kristen Wiig I could find to study Emma’s similarities to her. From certain angles, I could totally see it.

We headed back to Gower Studios.  This time, thankfully, the guard found her name.  We went back up to the same audition room and sat next to about four other girls waiting to read.  They all looked like they could be Wiig at that age–from one angle or another. Sigh.

(And let me just say how weird that situation is.  It’s almost like you’re confronted with a gaggle of your husband’s other wives forced to make idle chit-chat. And I’m sure in Utah that’s all fine and good, but in LA it’s just awkward.  I mean let’s face it: They all think that they’re the ONE.  And while the others are nice enough and everything, ultimately they’re just filler. God willing.)

At this age, they’re all still so supportive of one another.  After each girl emerges from the audition room, they smile very sweetly and wish the next candidate good luck. Until of course they get to the elevator.

Emma said that Judd said, “That was great!” She felt really good about the audition. We shall see. Hey, I’m staying calm. I mean I’m still Wiigging out and all, but for her to even get this far for such a crazy cool gig, is just fine with me.

Must. Take. Deep. Breaths.

I’m really, really excited.  Emma just got a callback for something great.  Since this business is chock full of variables I can’t quite comprehend, and I’m convinced Karma is one of them, I’m not going to say what yet.  Don’t want to jinx it.

But here’s a hint: McYAY!

More in a few days after she goes in.

Fingers crossed.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

For the love of God. Something’s gotta give. Suddenly my charming impatient nature isn’t working to anyone’s favor. Especially mine. Emma has gone on countless auditions and it’s starting to grate on me that she’s booked nada.  I want to grab these casting directors by the scruff and shout: What more could you want?

Meanwhile, this week we went on a feature film audition. Emma was up for a supporting role in the upcoming movie, SMASH about a tennis phenom. Her agent had emailed asking about Emma’s ability at tennis.  Well, let’s see.  She and her brother “play” on the courts at their grandmother’s house, so I’ll say: Beginner. They called her in. I ran out to the local sporting goods store and picked up an adorable little Adidas tennis outfit for her.  I figured she’ll at least damn well look the part. We even brought along a racket. One-Love.

When we got there, a zillion other little girls in tennis outfits holding rackets waited for their turn to read. 15-All.

They called Emma in last. After she was done, the casting director came out and said, “She really did a good job!”  Typically they come out and say, “Thanks, buh-bye.”  And their eyes are a bit glazed over.  This time the CD actually looked me in the eye and smiled genuinely.   Later, I spoke with a woman who we might sign on as Emma’s talent manager.  She said sometimes that means: “She didn’t get the gig but she made a really good effort.” Huh.  Well what if they’re scratching their left ear, hopping on one foot and chewing gum when they say it?  What does that mean exactly?

I’m tiring of all this innuendo I’m supposed to be able to decode.  I have her going to an audition coach in a few days to see if perhaps she’s not presenting herself to industry standard. But hopefully she’ll win this match.